Twilight : Breaking Dawn Part 2

Director: Bill Condon

Writers: Melissa Rosenberg (screenplay), Stephenie Meyer (novel)

Genre: Adventure, Fantasy, Romance

Runtime: 115 minutes

Rated: PG-13

My score: 5/10

Trailer

Summary

Bella is now a newborn vampire and a mother, while she enjoys her new life a false allegation threatens the family by the Volturi. Now the Cullens need to gather other vampires in order to help them.

What I think of the film ( Warning! Spoilers and creepy CGI babies)

I'll begin this from the start of the movie when Bella is now a vampire. A normal mother that has just given birth she would be worried about her kid first thing and then everything else but in her case it took her a good 2 minutes (movie time, god knows how much in real time would that translate to) before she realized that she has a baby. But Edward insisted to take her to feed first to clench her thirst that she didn't realize she had until he mentioned it. Then we move forward to the big reveal of the baby aaand bloody hell that's one creepy CGI baby. It reminds me the scatting dancing babies from an EVIAN commercial.

Just look at it

Anyway next comes the part that she finds out about Jacob imprinting to her baby and giving her a nickname and she becomes furious to the point of launching him outside the house and hurting another wolf. Really bitch? If it wasn't for him god knows what would have happened to her, her baby and the rest of her vampire family and the comment of

"i held her once, one time Jacob and you already think you have some moronic, wolfy claim on her?" i found ironic.

When someone is too busy playing around with her husband instead of just quickly go, have a meal and then come QUICKLY back to see her precious baby then it's obviously you'll hold her once. Priorities woman! I know she just became vampire but isn't this kinda a permanent thing? She'll have plenty of time to admire her surroundings and skills she has gained. And also she has held the baby twice not once. One when she had just given birth to it a bit before she "died" at the Breaking Dawn part 1 and then once again at the house.

Lets fast forward during the time that the Cullens are gathering "witnesses" to prove the child is not made vampire but was born. I must admit i did enjoy the part where you get to see the different types of vampire powers and the addition of interesting characters that made me want to know more about their story and the adventures they had with the Cullens. Now that's a movie I want to see.

Anyway the day that everybody waited arrived. Everyone was at the meeting point. I found it a bit funny how the made the Volturi to look like it's a massive horde of hundreds vampires that making this very long line but in truth they weren't taking that much space and they were less than i thought. So the Volturi find out the truth about the child but this doesn't stop them to want to start the fight. Alice appears and the battle begins. Now that's what i call a fight! Bodies flying, heads rolling and the annoying Aro (the head of Volturi) dies!!!! YES!!!! and then...

...the movie gives you the middle finger. At that point i fully understood the feeling that football/soccer fans that watch a match and when something wrong or unfair happens they stand up and shouting at the tv screen. That's what happened to me, exactly the same but instead of shouting about football i was shouting about the movie. That's not fair movie, not fair, the last bit of hope that made this movie a bit more bearable than the other ones and you took it away.

That's me holding the hope that just died.

Altogether this movie is like Eclipse, better than the rest of the bunch. It had a change to end it in a tone that gives closure to the fans and say thank you to the non fans, that were dragged by friends, partners or daughters to go and see it, for putting up with all five of them. But no, nope, no chance in hell.

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Twilight : Breaking Dawn Part 1

Director: Bill Condon

Writers: Melissa Rosenberg (screenplay), Stephenie Meyer (novel)

Genre: Adventure, Fantasy, Romance

Runtime: 124 minutes

Rated: PG-13

My score: 4/10

Trailer

Summary

Victoria is defeated and now the couple is free to be together, so what's better than Bella and Edward getting married but no one expected what was going to happen afterwards.

What I think of the film (Spoilers)

The joy of marriage, a happy event in every girl's life and after the past 3 movies it's a befitting ending to the on/off relationship Bella and Edward had. What interest me thought is until the actual day of the wedding no one looks happy about it, apart from Alice who is planning it. Jacob gets pissed off and runs away, Bella's dad looks like he's on the verge of alcoholism, the mum is...erm...she just doesn't convince me and then the couple is with their usual constipated expression on their faces. Even while she walks down the isle for god's sake she looks like she doesn't want to be there. Edward has a massive smile and she doesn't crack one until the ceremony starts (note: that shitty "gee thanks" type of smile that she gives to her dad doesn't count)

First night...what can i say...as Bella said (i can't believe i'm actually agreeing with the character) everything was fine until Edward got depressed about bruising her. REALLY!!!! You had Jacob kicking off at their wedding saying he's going to kill her, the bed is in pieces and YOU ARE A VAMPIRE what did you expect to happen? Bella getting bruised is the best F@#$% scenario. Plus I'm being nice here and not talking about how the e-r-e-c-t-i-o-n is possible.

And then the juicy part of the story starts. Bella is pregnant! Oh the joy...of no one again. Well almost no one, at least Bella is actually happy this time. Unfortunately though she still a bad liar and giving stupid excuses that would make any parent worry, especially considering her past experiences. Anyway, she becomes a walking skeleton and then after quite a while Jacob (not even the actual vampires) had the idea of giving the baby to drink some blood! Who would have thought that eh? A baby between human and vampire, obviously abnormal pregnancy with the fetus growing extremely quick and the mother not being able to eat anything. Crazy world.

I'll never finish this blog if i continue. All and all this movie was basically about their honey moon trip and her pregnancy. Oh the irony, when Bella was being sick Edward made a comment "for sickness and in health" but when she's about to die with their baby "we were supposed to be together and you are abandoned me by choosing IT".

Anyway I'm sidetracking again. The make up is as bad as usual apart this time for Bella's makeup was better thank usual. She did look very malnourished and bony. This movie was a filler. Not much of excitement and lots of pointless scenes. Every time I've seen this movie I always catching myself wishing the movie to hurry up. They could have easily in my opinion shrink it and connect it with the second one to have one movie. Even if the movie was bigger. I am pretty sure the fans of the movie would be more than happy to sit through a well made 3 hour movie or so. I would suggest watching that movie having the controller close to you in case you decide to fast forward the oomfs and ugs of the actors (yes those are the noises they make sometimes. If you seen the previous movies you should know what i mean).

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Twilight : Eclipse

Director: David Slade

Writers: Melissa Rosenberg (screenplay), Stephenie Meyer (novel)

Genre: Adventure, Fantasy, Romance

Runtime: 124 minutes

Rated: PG-13

My score: 6/10

Trailer

Summary

Edward has returned to Forks and Bella is enjoying every minute of her time with him, but, at the nearest city’s darkest alleys, Victoria is preparing her revenge for the death of her beloved James.

What I think of the film (Spoilers)

According to my humble opinion this movie is better from the rest of them so far. There was somewhat of a balance between drama, romance and action. At the drama area you see Bella to be the “Helen of Troy”, Edward being “Paris” and Jacob as “Menelaus”. The two men are constantly arguing, but, once Bella’s life is in danger, they decide that it’s time to work together, which, I think creates some funny situations. For example before the battle, Bella goes camping in the mountain with the boys. Even though she’s well covered, she’s close to get hypothermia. Edward, naturally, he can’t really warm her up because, being a vampire, he produces zero body heat. So he’s forced to let Jacob hug her so he can warm her up and when Jacob sees how much Edward is displeased with the scene of Bella being hugged by a half-naked wolf, Jacob replies with: “Admit it, I’m hotter than you!” In general they are constantly having a dig at each other.

The make up as always is a bit tragic. Although at this movie it was more of “hmmmm I like that red lipstick Edward is wearing, which brand is it I wonder.”

In this film I enjoyed action! Maybe because I barely got any at the previous ones. I liked the whole thing with the army of "newborn" vampires. Although during training the werewolves barely did anything. The only part I did not understand in the movie was the little girl, what exactly was the point of her I did not understand. If you find the actress familiar is because she played the role of the little girl in Silent Hill.

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Twilight : New Moon

Director: Chris Weitz
Writers: Melissa Rosenberg (screenplay), Stephenie Meyer (novel)
Genre: Adventure, Fantasy, Romance
Runtime: 130 minutes
Rated: PG-13
My score: 4/10

Trailer

Summary

In the second film we see Edward leaving Bella in order to protect her. As a result she falls into depression and becomes an adrenalin junkie. Through her effort to fill the void she feels, Bella becomes closer friends with Jacob, which he’s trying to hide a big secret from her.

What I think of the film (spoilers)

In order to be able to watch this film must meet one of the following conditions:
1. You see whatever crap comes out in the theaters.
2. You crazy about the first movie.
(in case you are wondering I’m in the first group)

The reason I say this is because, something the continuous screams of Bella in the middle of the night, her constant depression and obsession she has with her age and seeing Edward again, will test the limits of your patience. The performances and the dialogue is even more tragic than the first movie. If you like the six-packs and toned muscles then you may be able to get to the end of this movie and since werewolves wear only denim shorts!

Do not expect much action, little bit of running here and there and that’s pretty much it. This movie is mostly drama. You can also see that Bella has zero experience in relationships, she becomes extremely depended to her relationship with Edward and then with Jacob and also the fact that she’s so gulible when it comes to the promises they give her. One of them is “I will never abandon you” . Seriously? Unless you are marrying the guy you cannot believe that! And even then, only time will prove how long you’ll last. Divorces don’t exist for no reason. Her parents have one for god’s sake!

For the Volturi do not have much to say since we expect developments in subsequent films. What I saw is that they probably have burned a lot of brain cells over the centuries. I can not take them seriously. I believe that Michael Sheen didn’t impress me much as a vampire. I preferred him as a werewolf in the Underworld movies (that doesn't mean the Underworld are good movies).

Generally that movie did not convince me that was good. So if you decide to see it, do not say I did not warn you.

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Twilight

Since all of the twilight movies are out, what better than to torture ourselves with a recap of them. I can see story wise why it has been popular since it has been done before in other movies/shows (but better in my opinion). Lot's of people will say that I need to read the books to appreciate better. No I don't. Because the point of the movie is to give a good idea of what is written on the book. I love the harry potter books and movies but when it comes down to review them I will be pointing out the crappy make up and the wtf moments.

So let's start!

Director: Catherine Hardwicke
Writer: Melissa Rosenberg (screenplay), Stephenie Meyer (novel)
Genres: Adventure, Fantasy, Romance
Runtime: 122 min
Rated: PG-13
My score: 5/10

Trailer




Summary

Bella Swan, shortly after the second marriage of her mother, she decides to live with her ​​father in a small rainy town called Forks. There she makes new friends and meets a mysterious young man named Edward who piqued her interest and will change her life.

What I think of the film (spoilers if you are one of the lucky few that haven't seen these movies yet):

Apple, the forbidden fruit of knowledge that was tasted by the ones that ware created first and then experienced a new lifestyle, a new reality fraught with difficulties. The red color indicates passion. In this film we see the beginning of a passion ..... that will test your patience! I'm a mediocre movie at it's best to spend your time when there is absolutely nothing else to put on. Also it's easier to watch if you are a girl. I'm not discriminating but us girls have more experience in watching movies of the type and can take more crap of this kind than men. But do not expect Oscar worthy performances and the story in some places will leave you in a state of bewilderment (aka wtf).

Some parts reminded me of stories I've read or other films I've seen. For example, the nightly visits of Edward reminded me clearly the story of Dracula and the most cliche, the hints regarding Vampires vs. Werewolves. But nothing too tragic.

Unfortunately it was not the cliches that made this film I wonder why I was watching it. Some parts had the jaw drop effect on me. The result of the skin of vampires in the sun exposure. Not only melted, not even a tiny puff of smoke! He was sparkling as if he was part of a Swarovski Crystals campaign.

Finally, the performances of the actors were mediocre. Bella's face was in a constant expression of constipation and Edward's face expressions were changing so suddenly I did not know many times if he was happy or in pain.

I'm going to close with words of Claudia Puig from Usa Today:

"Despite questionable casting, wooden acting, laughable dialogue and truly awful makeup, nothing is likely to stop young girls from swarming to this kitschy adaptation of Stephenie Meyer's popular novel."

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